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Alvin Bragg Needs A Friend

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Apparently there’s a difference between tweeting how bad the president is, and trying to shoehorn a legal fantasy into reality, making a joke out of the whole anti-Trump aesthetic.

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You don’t have to immerse yourself in the dry legal details of the criminal charges against Donald Trump to determine whether the case is strong. Just measure the miles that Washington and New York elites are placing between them and the unfortunately named Alvin Bragg.

Bragg exhibits all of the qualities that would typically have major newspaper and glossy magazine editors tripping over themselves to have their publications associated with him, eager to photograph Bragg dramatically lit, defiantly staring at the camera. He’s a Democrat. He makes a big show about opposing Trump. He’s a minority. He’s even fat.

And yet there’s been nothing. No gauzy cable news profiles. No photoshoots. No late-night TV tributes to his bravery.

Bragg will forever go down in history as the first man to criminally prosecute a former U.S. president. And not just any former president— Donald Trump!

And nothing?! Stacey Abrams got more respect for losing two elections (three, if you count her sad campaign to get picked as Joe Biden’s running mate).

It’s not as though Bragg isn’t doing something monumental. He has the right idea: Confront Trump in the most theatrical setting possible (preferably as a black or Latinx person, or at least a woman, to raise the “oppressed but brave minority” dynamic) and then field the slew of high-profile media opportunities that inevitably follow.

It worked for Khizr Khan. It worked for “The Squad.” It worked for Liz Cheney, of all people.

It even worked for Michael Avenatti a white man!

But apparently there’s a difference between tweeting how bad the president is and trying to shoehorn a legal fantasy into reality, making a joke out of the whole anti-Trump aesthetic.

As historical as his contribution to The Resistance may be, Bragg has taken it too far, even for the corrupt national media. He’s like the guy telling dirty jokes at a party, but in his state of over-confidence, he says something like, “Then I anally raped your mom!”

Um… Yeah… We’re gonna go ahead and go…

There is supposed to be at least some plausibility if you’re going to partake in the media’s Trump fame game. Khizr Khan is a Muslim, and Trump previously proposed a Muslim ban. The Squad includes a Somali refugee, and Trump had tweeted that she should “go back.” Liz Cheney is a registered Republican, and Trump is head of the party.

See how it works?

Cue Bragg: Let’s put Trump in jail by arguing he lied on business records to quietly settle a personal matter!

Okay, Bragg, but was there a victim, or was it a ridiculously large sum of money? Has this even been tried before?

Bragg: Not at all!

Um… Yeah… We’re gonna go ahead and go.


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