On Sunday, for the first time ever, I watched the Golden Globes. I’ve never watched an awards show all the way through, but what I learned is that it’s all about the outfits. Especially the really bad ones.
While the round-ups of the red carpet’s best looks spread across social media, here’s my take on the worst.
Gwyneth Paltrow looked a mess in her burnt umber macrame bikini beneath tulle.
Kerry Washington in her not-top top would have looked better in, well, a top. Next time, ditch the bedazzled rope.
Charlize Theron was awful in the corset toga, a mash-up of Madonna and ancient Rome that never should have materialized.
Also Helen Mirren was just all bulky up top.
Amy Poehler is way better looking than that green nothing dress would have you think.
Jason Momoa wore a crushed velvet tuxedo jacket and yes, a tank top. At least he’s married to Lisa Bonet, but even she can’t class that up. (Although she tried.)
Patricia Arquette was just a crushed-velvet-looking nightmare.
Sarah Snook’s black pouf ball gown was way too much dress.
I think we can all agree that Sarah Snook pic.twitter.com/yMN5duOkR5
— Rankin-Bass & Kickin Ass (@S4MST33L3) January 6, 2020
As was Scarlett Johansson’s gown, which looked like it was being yanked down by the giant, superfluous bow in the back.
#ScarlettJohansson at the #GoldenGlobes tonight. #goldenglobes2020 pic.twitter.com/y1ZCKkhdzE
— Scarlett Johansson (@Scarlett_Jo) January 6, 2020
Cate Blanchett’s dress was a disaster too. What are these on her arms? Chinese flip fans? She looks like she’s wearing paper and tape.
Jennifer Lopez looked like a gift we’re all a little scared to open.
And of course, Michelle Williams in orange creamsicle.
My favorite look? Probably Awkwafina, although it was a little bit undertaker.