Easter season is upon us, which means animal-shaped marshmallow candies are lining grocery store shelves and will soon be crammed into last-minute Easter baskets. This practice needs to be stopped. Peeps must be erased from Easter celebrations. Full stop.
Do you like eating car wax? That’s what these pastel-colored monstrosities are made out of. Seriously. And the stuff that makes them retain their shape is derived from boiled calf hooves. Gross.
Not only do they taste like fire extinguisher foam with a grainy finish, they look like saliva-coated demon bunnies.
After Christ’s crucifixion, he descended to the realm of the dead, where probably he fought off creatures that looked like this.
John Milton once said, “This horror will grow mild, this darkness light.” I hope John is right and these demon creatures are cast into dumpsters across the nation, never to be seen or spoken of again.
