Can Colleges Just Ban Everybody Already? It’d Save A Ton Of Time And Money

Can Colleges Just Ban Everybody Already? It’d Save A Ton Of Time And Money

Fresh off the heels of the NCAA’s decision to pull its championship games out of North Carolina because the state wants to let businesses keep grown men out of women’s restrooms, Cyd Zeigler, a blogger over at OutSports, floated a new proposal: the NCAA must, he declared, “kick out [Brigham Young University] and anti-gay members, or [the] Carolina move is meaningless.”

Why should these schools be kicked out? Well, for one, Brigham Young believes marriage is an institution between one man and one woman; Pepperdine refused to recognize a gay activist group on campus; and LeTourneau forbids athletes from engaging in same-sex romances. “Many more universities,” meanwhile, “hold discriminatory policies.”

“It’s remarkable,” Zeigler writes, “that schools like BYU haven’t been kicked out of the NCAA already.” Given the writing on the wall, perhaps we can do one better: why don’t we just ban everyone who’s not fully on board with the intransigent social justice warrior agenda?

This is not as crazy an idea as it seems, chiefly because the social justice warriors themselves will probably be making these demands in half a decade or so. It can be a perfectly simple and easy-to-execute plan. If you’re not 100 percent behind their progressive program, you’re out.

Do you think marriage is a union between a man and a woman? You’re out.

Do you think boys can’t have vaginas and girls can’t have penises? You’re out.

Do you think students shouldn’t run away squealing and crying from things that are mildly offensive? You’re out.

Are you not hyper-attentive to the myriad screaming demands of a liberal activist mob? You’re out. All of you.

Did you write an awkward e-mail with the absolute best of intentions? You’re out of there, baby!

Did we forget anyone? What about the guys that say things like “all lives matter?” Yeah, get them out of here, too.

Simply put, there is no place in our oversized, overpriced, over-long, trigger-warned safe space angry mob meltdown college system for anyone who is not completely and totally behind the latest letter in the LGBTQ spectrum. If you are not 100 percent supportive of the incoherent, meaningless mess of gender ideology, then you don’t belong in American higher education.

Kicking conservative religious colleges out of the NCAA isn’t the end; it’s merely the beginning. Eventually we must kick out everyone who is not either a convoluted sexual minority or their cowed and sheepish “ally.” There is no place in American colleges for anyone who does not belong to their campus’s student diversity or multicultural initiative.

This will not be an easy task, chiefly because it will involve expelling probably 98.5 percent of the students in American higher education. Indeed, the entire system will probably collapse. In very short order, virtually every university in the country will have to close, everyone will lose their jobs, and college in America will go extinct. Given that college costs have been spiraling up and quality has been spiraling down, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

But think about it: you can see every college in America closed down…or Brigham Young can continue to enforce the vision of marriage that most of the country held up until about ten minutes ago. In the end, we only have one choice.

Daniel Payne is an assistant editor for The College Fix, the news magazine of the Student Free Press Association. Daniel's work has appeared in outlets such as National Review Online, Reason, Front Porch Republic, and elsewhere. His personal blog can be found at Trial of the Century. He lives in Virginia.
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