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3 Cheers For Ariana Grande, America’s Newest Sweetheart

Was Ariana Grande harming public health in her late-night rant against America and Americans? Or does she care deeply about childhood obesity? You decide.


Ariana Grande is a young actress and singer who came to fame on the Nickelodeon network. She was out on the town the other night and got in a bit of trouble when her antics were recorded. Watch the video below to see her:

  • lick a donut that was to be sold to someone else
  • announce she hates America
  • announce she hates Americans
  • drop an F-bomb
  • generally behave in the manner of someone who really enjoys cocaine

She and her new boyfriend seem to be getting along well!

Now, it may not be in your best interest as a pop star to be videotaped in a state that mimics being high as a kite when such a state involves licking food on a food counter that was intended for someone else. Ditto the wisdom of telling the people responsible for all of the money you make that you hate them and your shared country.

You know when she woke up from her bender to the frantic calls of her public relations team that she wondered how to avoid the storm that was coming her way. She handled it all so well that there is nothing to do but laugh and applaud.

First she had to deal with the fact that she was scheduled to headline a concert for the Major League Baseball All-Star Game festivities. Her team announced that she had to pull out because she forgot she was having wisdom tooth surgery Monday. And that totally sounds believable and not in any way something people would make up to protect a star who was in the middle of a public relations meltdown. Demi Lovato, who has not publicly licked donuts that don’t belong to her, will take her place.

But it’s how she dealt with her hatred for her country and its inhabitants that is really hilarious. Here’s her very Millennial, run-on, subliterate, but at the same time brilliant, response:

Come on. How do you not love this? Every single member of her team should be given a bonus for responding to the public relations disaster with a plea to join her in the fight against childhood obesity.

If you didn’t love Grande’s vile, late-night, donut-licking rant against America, you must support diabetes. Brilliant. And let’s not even get into her complete refusal to address the fact that she licked a donut that didn’t belong to her and was, presumably, later sold to some unsuspecting other customer.

Listen, Grande’s music is unremarkable, her celebrity status is, in fact, a mark against Americans, and her partying-fueled rant was immature and unhygienic. But social media mobs that feed off of such moments aren’t really to be commended either.

This girl may be a typical sub-educated celebrity, but turning an absolute disaster of a scandal into a fight against childhood obesity has simply got to make you laugh. Right?

I hope the Ariana Grande strategy catches on. Next time a model is caught beating up an assistant, she can explain that it was taken out of context and that she’s really trying to bring attention to human trafficking. A revelation of infidelity, properly contextualized and understood, will instead be about the fight for marriage equality. We could even see a public relations scandal arms race to see if anyone can top Grande in the ridiculous explanation department.