Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene is a Senior Contributor to The Federalist. He is a Lutheran pastor in Illinois and the creator of Lutheran Satire, a series of comical videos intended to teach the Lutheran faith. Follow him on Twitter, @HansFiene .
Baby Haters Use Global Warming To Justify Their Selfishness

The only compelling reason to embrace the doomsdayers’ radical interpretation is that it pairs well with your aversion to sucking the snot of a toddler’s nose.

How To Explain Cop Killers To Kids

A little girl I know has learned there are people who have never even met her father but who want to take his life and the lives of other police officers.

No Matter How Many Priests ISIS Kills, They Can’t Win

Quite simply, God sent Father Hamel to forgive sins, and these satanically inspired agents of ISIS sent themselves to stop him.

Why Mark Burns’ RNC Benediction Was Terrible

If you want to defeat the forces of godlessness inside the Democratic Party, get off the stage in Cleveland and go do what God says will actually drive sin from the hearts of both Republicans and Democrats.

How Jon Stewart Killed Late-Night Comedy

‘You’re hurting America.’ Those are the words that killed late-night comedy and gave birth to advocacy-with-jokes.

The Rise Of Cultural Parasites

Until recently, if an Indian musician felt that the works of Mozart didn’t reflect his culture, he didn’t start a ‘Give the Symphony a Sitar’ hashtag campaign.

Why Transgender Advocates Don’t Believe Anything They Say

Acknowledging the truth might change transgender advocates’ positions, and changing their positions would require them to stop saying magic words they didn’t believe.

The Death Of Prince And The Death of Jesus

Despite reveling in sexually explicit material, Prince also wrote more explicitly Christian lyrics than any mainstream musician of that era not named Bono.

Ask Hillary Clinton Why Abortion Is A ‘Difficult Decision’

When Hillary Clinton labels abortion ‘difficult,’ she concedes almost every argument of the pro-life movement.

Two Explanations for ‘The Passion’s’ Lackluster Ratings

Christians probably just don’t trust TV networks any more. Besides, in ‘The Passion,’ Fox was serving them the same pablum they can get anywhere.

3 Ways Joel Osteen And Donald Trump Are the Same Person

Joel Osteen praising Donald Trump is like Elmo telling you that his favorite fellow Muppets are Statler and Waldorf. What gives?

Tampons Are Not A Human Right

Featuring the liberal flowchart of human rights. Hint: If it exists and liberals want it, it’s a right.

You Don’t Need A Megachurch For You To Go To Heaven

A faithful pastor and parents, not large congregation size, will keep your kids in church, even if megachurch pastor Andy Stanley says otherwise.

Women Don’t Need To Get Drafted To Be Equal With Men

The reason we draft men and not women is not because those patriarchal creeps want to hog all the PTSD, bullet wounds, dismemberments, and gravestones for themselves.

The Accidentally Racist Oscars

The Oscars have, for the second straight year, failed to nominate any actors of color. It’s not that they’re trying to be racist. It’s just that they can’t help it.

A Media-Friendly Guide To Christian Language

No, Ted Cruz was not calling for Christ’s physical body to arise and stump for him.

An ‘Other’ Christian Responds To BuzzFeed’s ‘Questions Christians Have For Other Christians’

BuzzFeed’s latest video may be an attempt to show why the askers are thankful God has not made them like others. But if they want answers, here they are.

The Christmas Story Is About Christ, Not Obama’s Syrian Refugee Policy

Anyone who’s read the full Christmas story in the Bible knows that it’s about the birth of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, not the wisdom of Barack Obama’s Syrian refugee policy. (or some version of that that fits the length constraints)

Scarlett Johansson, Sexing Up The Bible Won’t Defeat Christianity

The nothingness of sexual libertinism Scarlett Johansson offers is not a suitable replacement for those who trust in the everything-ness of the gospel.

The End Of Abortion Moderates

What happened to those from each party who simply said that abortion is an ugly business, but one we’re stuck with?