Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene
Hans Fiene is a Senior Contributor to The Federalist. He is a Lutheran pastor in Illinois and the creator of Lutheran Satire, a series of comical videos intended to teach the Lutheran faith. Follow him on Twitter, @HansFiene .
We Can Solve Football’s Woes By Tying It To The Food Wars

When the greatest rivalry of the last few seasons has been the courtroom battle between Tom Brady and Roger Goodell, it’s not hard to see why fans have grown apathetic.

The ‘Peanuts’ Football Trick Explains Why Conservatives Keep Quiet About White Supremacy

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when those who are invited to partake in supposed interfaith dialogue refuse to play a game they know is rigged against them.

Google Firing Over Diversity Memo Shows How Outrage Addiction Is Making Us Stupid

To feed their addiction, outrage addicts have embraced the following idiotic syllogism: ‘I am mad at people who say X. I am mad at you. Therefore you said X.’

Why We Should Fight About Grover Cleveland Instead Of Everything Else On The Planet

This barbaric hatred is beneath us, and call me a Pollyanna, but I truly believe it’s not too late for us to start hating each other like civilized human beings again.

Why Being Saved By A Black Gay Woman Doesn’t Delegitimize Steve Scalise’s Politics

Some pundits refuse to talk about Rep. Steve Scalise as a victim of last week’s violence. Instead, he’s a bigot whose life was saved by a gay black woman.

Sen. Bernie Sanders Defends His Attack On Christians

Opposing a political nomination on religious grounds is contrary to our nation’s founding principles of tolerance, equality, and entitlement to the goods and services of others.

Here’s Why The ‘Legion’ Villain Is Marvel’s Best Yet

‘Legion’ has shown filmmakers and showrunners how to make a bad guy very, very good.

Why Men and Women Can Never Be ‘Just Friends’

To destroy the Friend Zone, women must accept the following truths: you don’t have any guy friends and, in fact, you can’t have any guy friends.

The Left Hates Mike Pence For Loving His Wife Because They Don’t Really Think Men Can Be Evil

The latest Mike Pence furor is not really a clash of political ideologies. It’s a clash of anthropologies, a clash of two incompatible worldviews about human nature.

United Benefit Holders Aren’t The Only Ones Who Should Stop Wearing Leggings On Flights

Americans have developed a bad habit of dressing like slobs while flying, and it’s high time we experience some national shame over this.

5 Ways The Oscars Can Become Great Again By Emulating Donald Trump

Applying Donald Trump’s brand of anti-elitist populism to the Academy Awards in five easy steps can certainly make the Oscars great again.

Why It’s Terrible News That Millennials Are Having Less Sex

Pornography and social media are disincentivizing young people from pursuing real romantic relationships. That spells trouble for them and us all.

The Media-Sean Spicer Fight Over Crowd Numbers Is All About Insecurity

While it’s nice to see the fourth estate and the executive branch united in number crunching, America would be better served if our media and president sparred over any other issue.

Garrison Keillor Is On A Quest To Leave The Religion He Never Found

I find it strange that Garrison Keillor feels the need to move on. After all, liberal protestants don’t really see the Trump-voting, booger-eating Bible thumpers as their spiritual kin.

Feminism Is ‘Die Hard’s’ Hans Gruber, And Lena Dunham Its Harry Ellis

Just as Harry Ellis put on his salesman persona to ingratiate himself to violent thief Hans Gruber, Dunham put on her ‘Girls’ persona to win the approval of Angry Internet Feminism.

BuzzFeed Wants To Destroy Chip And Joanna Gaines For Being Christian And Wildly Popular

Chip and Joanna, HGTV superstars and perhaps America’s most beloved married couple, belong to a church whose pastor preaches that homosexuality is sinful. Horrors.

You Should Thank God That Your Kids Are Mediocre Athletes

Thank God that your kids haven’t displayed the athletic prowess necessary to trick you into spending a fortune you don’t have for a dream that will almost certainly never materialize.

4 Things To Pray For Now That The Election Is Over

Many of us prayed for the election beforehand. Now that it’s over, it’s time to pray again. In fact, those of us on all sides of the election can pray for the same things.

Comparing Trump To Beyonce Doesn’t Mean Christians Think All Sins Are Equal

None of my fellow conservative Christians would compare Trump’s words to other filthy speech if they believed he were guilty of something more heinous, namely sexual assault.

5 Ways To Handle The Creepy Clowns Infiltrating Your Neighborhood

Knowing how to respond to these circus-from-hell freaks is, like many moral quandaries, rather difficult.