There Is No Such Thing As An Unwanted Baby

There Is No Such Thing As An Unwanted Baby

Infertility issues and infant loss plague so many couples who hope to have children. Don't take your child for granted––choose life.
Helen Raleigh
By

The ad begins with a cute baby with bright eyes looking right at you. Immediately after she gives you a smile as brilliant as sunshine, the first message appears: “She deserves to be loved.” Then the camera is on the smiling baby girl again and the second message follows: “She deserves to be wanted.”

The third time the camera is on the baby girl, she not only smiles at you but also raises one of her little hands, as if she is trying to reach you. When I saw the ad at this point, I wanted to reach my hand to hold her little fingers, and I wanted to hug her tightly in my arms.

Then the third message appears: “She deserves to be a choice,” accompanied by a disconcerting “#standwithPP.” At this point, I realized this is a pro-abortion ad from the Agenda Project, and I started feeling sick, as if someone just kicked me in the gut.

Later I learned that this ad has been around for several years, but for many Americans (including me) last week was the first time we saw it because Jerry Dunleavy tweeted about it. Many people responded online with how disgusted and shocked this ad made them feel. Rather than give this sick ad and organization any more air time, I want to have a heart-to-heart with many young women out there.

Do We Have Control Over Our Lives?

Modern technology often fools us into believing that we have total control over every aspect of our life. We foolishly think we get to decide when, how, and what happens. However, unless you completely avoid having sex, you don’t get to decide when you become pregnant.

Some people will tell you the easiest way to get rid of “it” is through abortion, which conveniently allows you to move on with your life. Whether you realize this or not (and abortion advocates certainly won’t tell you this), what you have inside you is not an “it,” but a living and breathing human being.

Most women only discover they are pregnant when they are already six to eight weeks into their first trimester. Do you know you can hear your baby’s heartbeat as early as six weeks? If you are pregnant, please find a clinic that will let you listen to your baby’s heartbeats before you decide anything. A baby’s heartbeat is the most wonderful sound in this world. Once you hear it, you’ll know that there is an undeniable humanity inside you.

Please don’t treat the baby inside you as a liability. Every pregnancy is a miracle. If you don’t think so and if you think getting pregnant seems easy, you may want to talk couples who struggle to get pregnant. Many American couples struggle with infertility. For them, having biological children is only a dream. According to the American Pregnancy Association, “Infertility affects 6.1 million American couples (approximately 10% of American couples of childbearing age).”

Complications Aren’t Uncommon

Even for couples who fortunately do not have to deal with an infertility issue, getting pregnant is not an on-demand process. It doesn’t just happen when you are ready to turn it on. Yes, there are medical interventions such as IVF that can increase your chances of getting pregnant, but even with the most advanced intervention, conceiving a child is never a guarantee.

The creation of a life is a truly miraculous process. So, if you find yourself pregnant, whether you like it or not, please know many couples would do anything to be in your shoes. People who tell you to get an abortion now probably will also tell you that you can choose to have children whenever you want in the future. They really don’t know what they are talking about.

Let’s assume the future you is very lucky and you get pregnant exactly when you want to. But there are other things beyond your control. There is no guarantee you get to take home a living and breathing baby at the end of nine months.

Do you know one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage and one in 160 deliveries ends in a stillbirth? These are not developing-world statistics. Every single day, about 2,000 American women lose their babies due to pregnancy or infant loss. Many of these mothers who suffered these excruciating losses did nothing wrong. They had healthy lifestyles, ate healthy food, had access to prenatal care, and followed doctors’ instructions to the best of their ability.

Yet, in the end, they are left with empty cribs and broken hearts. Many of them aren’t even given medical explanations for their losses. You can read and listen to their anguish, sorrow and grief, herehere, and here. Abortion ads like this one rip open these angel parents’ wounds and rub them with salt.

The truth is that, despite all the amazing medical advancements we have, when it comes to delivering babies, there are so many complications unknown to the medical profession that they have yet to discover any effective means to detect and prevent these complications from happening. So if you find yourself pregnant, whether you like it or not, please know many couples would do anything to trade places.

Adoption Is a Perfectly Wonderful Option

When you find yourself pregnant and not ready to become a parent, you do have a choice––it’s called adoption. I recently had a conversation with a staff member who works for one of Colorado’s largest and oldest adoption agencies. She told me that last year her agency was only able to place 15 babies in loving homes, even though there are more than 70 couples on their waiting list.

The average wait time for domestic infant adoption is between 18 months and three years. I asked why the adoption process takes so long. She said there are more couples waiting to adopt infants than there are infants available for adoption.

The adoption agency staff also told me that today’s adoption process has given birth mothers a great deal of control and choice. The birth mom gets to decide which couples she wants to interview. Due to the large waiting list, she has a lot of couples to choose from.

They showed me some family books that couples on the waiting list put together. Through pictures of their houses, pets, and the baby rooms they decorated, I got the sense that these are all loving couples with the financial resources and emotional maturity to be parents. In addition to these family books, adoption agencies nowadays provide birth moms as much information as they can about potential parents so they can make informed decisions.

As open adoption (adoptive family and birth parents have personal visits with one another, and the birth mother is able to maintain a relationship with the child) becomes more and more common, once the birth mom selects the couple to be the parents of her unborn child, she can work with the couple to decide how much access, communication, and visitation she wants to maintain with her child.

Ladies, if you find yourself pregnant and you are not ready to be a parent, you do have a choice. Choose another couple who is ready, willing, and able to provide a loving home for your child. Always choose life, because every life is a miracle.

Helen Raleigh is a senior contributor to The Federalist. An immigrant from China, she is the owner of Red Meadow Advisors, LLC, and an immigration policy fellow at the Centennial Institute in Colorado. She is the author of several books, including "Confucius Never Said" and "The Broken Welcome Mat." Follow Helen on Twitter @HRaleighspeaks, or check out her website: helenraleighspeaks.com.

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