It was 1:00 a.m. and Hollywood director and writer Josh Raby needed a milkshake. A McDonald’s milkshake. So he went to McDonald’s. He didn’t get his milkshake. He did, however, end up with an amazing story about a desperate man who lost his wife and later found love at a McDonald’s drive-through window.
Here is Raby’s incredible story in its entirety. And yes, he swears it’s true.
It's 1AM and I decided I wanted a milkshake. So there's a McDonald's near my house. I'm greeted at the drive thru by the following sentence:
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald's, and I am begging your patience."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
There are no other cars here, by the way. I'm caught off guard so I mumble "Um, ok you can have it."
The voice comes back:
"Praise you."— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
So I sit for a minute, then he finally returns and says "please tell me your order"
So I say "milkshake"
I don't know why that's all I said— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"I'll need a minute", he replies. I realize I did not describe my desired milkshake in any way so I yell "I need to tell you what kind."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly "we aren't going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Do not ask me why I did this but the next words out of my mouth were
"Are you ok"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
My chicken sandwich order confuses him. Several minutes are spent repeating what I want on it, watching the screen as he tries over and over
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while.
I hear a deep exhale.
"Dude I lost my wife".
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"I'm sorry, man, I-"
"Please describe your chicken sandwich to me again so I can succeed at one thing."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Anyway he finally gets it and then says "I really do feel bad about the milkshake situation. Can I sell you an apple pie?"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"Fine. I will buy an apple pie."
"Apple pies are cheaper than milkshakes anyway."
"Ok, thanks"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Then there is a weird series of beeps and when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset:
"I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!"— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"What? Who did you find?"
"MY WIFE. SHE WAS WATCHING ME FROM BEHIND THE BOXES!"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
At this point I have ordered a chicken sandwich I do not want and an apple pie I do not want and no milkshake and I've been here 22 minutes
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"Can you give me my total" I say because honestly I don't know if I want to understand his marriage or if I even could and I just want to go
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
So he says "your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a discount"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"What is the discount?"
"2 apple pies for only 2 dollars. You should take it."
(Note: One apple pie is $1.19)
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
"Give me the extra pie"
"She says thank you"
"Tell her I said no problem"
Why am I talking to his wife like this why
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
I pull around and they are fucking making out in the window and he has his thumb out like he is aware I will be driving up to this
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Both of these people are in their mid-40s
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
They unstick themselves from one another and I hand him my card "sorry about this. I haven't worked at McDonald's in 16 years" he says
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
I say "it's fine" to which he says "FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
His wife cackles and says "I knew that when I was 13, get with it, man!"
I have been here 37 minutes.
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
I am then treated to a story about how they met at a McDonald's that is very short and is really only "we met at McDonald's in 1993"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says "you get to drive away" then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the way
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
