12 Best Replacement Names For The Washington Redskins

12 Best Replacement Names For The Washington Redskins

In case you were wondering whether the Obama administration could possibly find another federal agency to weaponize against its opponents, wonder no longer. The U.S Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) just canceled the trademark for the Washington Redskins, claiming that the team’s name is disparaging to Native Americans.

It is unclear what evidence was used by USPTO bureaucrats to quantify and determine how disparaging the name is. In fact, a 2004 poll of Native Americans found that 90 percent of respondents did not believe the name was offensive:

Most American Indians say that calling Washington’s professional football team the “Redskins” does not bother them, the University of Pennsylvania’s National Annenberg Election Survey shows.

Ninety percent of Indians took that position, while 9 percent said they found the name “offensive.” One percent had no answer. The margin of sampling error for those findings was plus or minus two percentage points.

Because they make up a very small proportion of the total population, the responses of 768 people who said they were Indians or Native Americans were collected over a very long period of polling, from October 7, 2003 through September 20, 2004. They included Indians from every state except Alaska and Hawaii, where the Annenberg survey does not interview. The question that was put to them was “The professional football team in Washington calls itself the Washington Redskins. As a Native American, do you find that name offensive or doesn’t it bother you?”

Another poll taken earlier this year found that over 70 percent of Americans believe that the Redskins should not change the team’s name:

The poll released by Public Policy Polling on Thursday found that 71% do not think the team should change its name, while 18% said the team should change it and 11% said they are not sure. The firm surveyed 741 registered voters through automated phone interviews and the margin of error is plus or minus 3.6%.

Anyhow, it’s comforting to know that in the midst of a massive IRS scandal that makes Watergate look like child’s play and the disintegration of the Obama administration’s foreign policy in Iraq, our government is focusing on the issues that really matter: the names of professional sports teams.

Scores of Twitter users instantly mocked the USPTO’s arbitrary decision and began suggesting alternate names for the Washington football team that more appropriately take into account the team’s Washington, D.C. heritage. Here are the 12 best proposed replacement names.

And the clear winner:

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