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Mexicans Who Think They Just Discovered Aliens Have Never Seen A Woke American Speak

Mexican Alien
Image CreditWHAS11/YouTube

Aliens are already here. In America, we call them woke activists and social justice warriors, and the way they speak is not of this world.


Funny memes were born this week when Mexican government officials — to the extent that Mexico has those — claimed to discover the fully intact remains of miniature humanoids of unearthly origin. It was ridiculous in that the figures were a mix between “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not” exhibits and Democrat Rep. Rosa DeLauro.

But if Mexicans were mesmerized or even a little afraid of those trinkets, they really need to get a look at the social justice warriors and woke activists just one drug traffic stop north. That’s where things get truly cosmic.

At the end of August, activist and self-proclaimed fatty Zyahna Bryant announced on social media that personal hygiene company Dove had made her a brand “ambassador” to promote its “size freedom” campaign.

“My belief is that we should be centering the voices and experiences of the most marginalized people and communities at all times,” she said in a post on Instagram for the partnership. “So, when I think about what fat liberation looks like to me, it looks like centering the voices and the experiences of those who live in and who maneuver through spaces and institutions in a fat body.”

She added that people “have different bodies and that they are interacting with spaces and people and institutions and communities in a different way.”

This is how I imagine an actual extraterrestrial who has studied the United States for a week would attempt to communicate.

Broke: overweight people.

Woke: “Those who live in and who maneuver through spaces and institutions in a fat body.”

It’s not the language of someone who looks in the mirror and sees a human, but merely a cumbersome vessel through which their innards roll through time and space.

Broke: Going to the store/park/gym/Dairy Queen.

Woke: “Interacting with spaces and people and institutions and communities in a different way.”

They all talk like this, and I covered the early stages of it at length in my book Privileged Victims: How America’s Culture Fascists Hijacked the Country And Elevated Its Worst People. (It should also be noted that Bryant is responsible for ruining the reputation of a co-ed at the University of Virginia in 2020 based on a comment that Bryant later admitted she might have misheard and which an eyewitness testified that she had.)

A video that plays in my mind on repeat by nature of its sheer exoticism is from the popular radio talk show “The Breakfast Club” in 2019 when a gang of social justice nags gathered to lecture the hosts and audience about transgenderism. Toward the end of the segment, guest Malik Yoba tied himself in knots, attempting to use the newspeak for gender and sexual orientation. But then he used the phrase “naturally born women.”

Two aliens in attendance leaped into action. “Imma challenge you,” said Nala Simone. Fellow activist David Johns said, “Assigned, not naturally born. Not naturally born. Nothing about that is natural.”

Yoba invited the correction. “Assigned female at birth and for whom that is consistent with how they identify,” said Johns. Yoba, exasperated, said that was “a lot of words,” to which John commanded him to “Do the work. Do the work.”

The entire interview went on like that, with Johns condemning normal, innocuous assumptions about gender as “problematic” and instructing others on set to use other phrases and terms in place of ones he deemed insufficiently “safe.”

Language naturally evolves, but this isn’t a natural evolution. Zyahna Bryant, David Johns, and the rest alike are not ordinary earthlings.

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