Ad Seeks To Place ‘A Pair Of Destructive Demon Cats Who Stink Up Your Home’

Ad Seeks To Place ‘A Pair Of Destructive Demon Cats Who Stink Up Your Home’

An unusually honest ad for a chihuahua described as “a chucky doll in a dog’s bod” managed to find someone willing to adopt the pet. My neighbor just put out a similarly honest ad for two cats she is fostering that had me laughing each time I read it. Can you help find a home for these cats? Here’s the note.

Shadow and Midnight are sleek, strong, regal cats. The shape of their bodies, elegant posture, and ceremonial promenading suggest they are long-time descendents of the cats of Egyptian pharaohs or Siamese emperors. They rule the house quietly, only emitting the tiniest of mews. Their thick black coats show a sheen of health. They are good with kids, don’t mind dogs, and appear to be the ideal pets: friendly, playful, loving, loyal.

But looks can be deceiving. You may have heard of Prancer the haunted Victorian chihuahua? That little mutt cannot hold a candle to Shadow and Midnight, a pair of destructive demon cats who stink up your home.

Shadow and Midnight were our first-ever foster cats. So, when they knocked my wedding photo off the mantle and the frame broke into a million pieces, I considered it my fault for not cat-proofing our house. We moved all breakable items off the mantle and into a cardboard box in the basement for safekeeping.

Midnight and Shadow eat everything. Literally, everything. Things they have eaten include two pairs of shoelaces, several cat toys, and plants – real and fake. Yes, Midnight ate fabric leaves off of an artificial ivy decorating a basket that was used to hand out bubbles at my wedding. Yum. We have moved shoes and cat toys into closets, and placed all plants behind a locked door where we absolutely forget to water them.

Midnight and Shadow destroy sleep. They always wake up early. Really early. I have successfully sleep trained 3 babies but may have met my match with this pair. No more sleeping in on weekends. Or ever.

The destruction is bad, but the stench is worse. Never have I smelled such foul odors. Their poop reeks in a gut-gripping, gag-inducing way. Toileting these cats has been a continual challenge. We had a cat for 19 years. She had one litter box in the basement. She was petite and neat and it was never a problem. These boys take multiple dumps a day and are finicky about the maintenance and placement of their litter boxes. They have peed on our couch and pooped on our rugs and our beds. We have responded by adding two additional litter boxes and a sheet of aluminum foil to the couch. We scoop each litter box a few times each day, because we fear that if the box is not clean enough, these boys may take their business elsewhere.

And, there is one other wrinkle with this pair. Shadow has pillow paw, a condition that will require daily medication for the rest of his life. Shadow is whip-smart and he does not like his medicine. It is a two-person job: you need one person to hug muscular Shadow, tightly wrapped straight-jacket style in a beach towel and another person to administer the syringe full of gooey greasy yellow medicine. Most times the medicine lands in Shadow’s mouth. Sometimes he spits the medicine in your hair.

Who will adopt this pair? Two families have tried. Both failed.

Seeking a saint-like cat lover who loves getting up before dawn. You hate plants and knick-knacks. You prefer slip-on shoes and are a fan of 1950s-era plastic slipcovers on your couches. You have lost your sense of smell due to COVID-19 and hope it will never return. You live with a bodybuilder, nurse, vet or other brave soul (preferably bald) who can help you administer daily medicines.

You are willing to dole out belly rubs and chin scratches in exchange for the loud purrs and eternal adoration of two adorable two-year-old black cats who have been looking for the perfect forever home for over a year. Please help these boys find their match!

For more information, contact Homeward Trails Animal Rescue.

Mollie Ziegler Hemingway is a senior editor at The Federalist. She is Senior Journalism Fellow at Hillsdale College and a Fox News contributor. She is the co-author of Justice on Trial: The Kavanaugh Confirmation and the Future of the Supreme Court. Follow her on Twitter at @mzhemingway
Photo Homeward Trails / screencap
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