Did you watch the Democratic debate? Did you hate yourself enough to watch it while also browsing the endless stream of insufferably dull punditry on Twitter? I did. I’m ashamed to say I even tweeted myself. It’s something I will have to live with.
But Norm Macdonald was online too, live-tweeting the debate like the hero he is. Norm’s tweets were good. They were really good. Better than all the wine cave jokes combined. They made Debate Twitter bearable, and that is no easy task.
So here they are—the best of them, at least—presented chronologically for your reading pleasure. Allow the healing to begin.
Just turned on the debate to hear Bernie rail against childhood poverty. I'm no economist but aren't all children broke?
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
I like Andrew Yang the best because I'm a big fan of 1000 dollars. Always have been.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
I believe in Climate Change, but I don't like the climate the way it is. I want change!!!!!!!!!!
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
Yang supports the dreamers, but his campaign is a nightmare. Will sell this joke to any late-night host of the price is right.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
Yang says that immigrants are being used as scapegoats, which h I am against. You know who should be the scapegoats. Goats!!!!!!! Just like the good old days. Sacrifice a fucking goat and leave the immigrants alone.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
Bernie says that m officers are snatching babies from their mothers. I keep hearing this but would love to see a video. Sounds hysterical.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
We do have bigger fish to fry!!!!!!!!! Halibut fish!!!!!!!!
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
Let's not forget Judge Reinhold!!!!!!I guess all of us are guilty of this.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
No respect, Bernie, but how can you end an endless war?
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
The only endless war I know of is the Civil War. And by that, I mean the War on Civility. ( This joke is available to any late-night shows if the price is right).
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
Why aren't these politicians honest and tell us what they will really do on Day 1? Phone all their friends and say, Turn on the TV. Turn on the TV!!!!!
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
And, of course, another debate ends and not a word about The Wolfman. Oh, well, why do I even hope for it, anymore?
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) December 20, 2019
