Plate-Flipping Miranda Lambert Can Help Save Country From The Car Pool Lane

Plate-Flipping Miranda Lambert Can Help Save Country From The Car Pool Lane

“This is the third time they’ve gotten into it, and now Miranda is trying to hit people, and she’s flipping plates on them.”

That’s how the 911 call made from a Nashville steakhouse went earlier this month. Needless to say, the one and only Miranda Lambert had a wild, whirlwind winter.

After the country star met New York City cop Brendan McLoughlin (an intrepid dancer) during a Pistol Annie’s press tour on Nov. 2, the pair married in a secret ceremony no less than three months later. Lambert announced the Jan. 26 wedding on Valentine’s Day. Her new husband doesn’t exactly seem to be a choir boy, either—according to reports, McLoughlin had to break off an engagement shortly before getting involved with Lambert when his fiancé discovered his ex-wife was seven months pregnant with their child, who was born just three days after he met his soon-to-be wife. It’s a lot to process.

Then, not two weeks after marrying McLoughlin, Lambert dumped a salad on another woman in a steakhouse. The TMZ report is spectacular:

As for why Miranda felt compelled to dump her dinner on the woman … we’re told the woman’s husband picked a fight with Miranda’s friend, which started in the men’s restroom with a wisecrack about millennials and their phones.

Eyewitnesses say Miranda had to be held back after the man came up to her table and started screaming … we’re told Miranda started mouthing off and eventually walked over to the man’s wife, got feisty with her and dumped a salad in her lap!!!

At least it wasn’t spaghetti.

Nobody’s saying Lambert should abuse substances or break up families or hurt innocent steakhouse patrons. If, however, she can channel this impulsive streak and personal drama into her music and breathe a little life back into the genre that spawned generations of outlaw legends, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

The country charts weren’t always so crowded with frat boys peddling escapist fantasies and syrupy nostalgia to bored suburbanites. If Carrie Underwood is the person who sings about taking a Louisville Slugger to her boyfriend’s car, Miranda Lambert is the person who would actually do it. They serve different purposes, but while Lambert’s style is probably closer to country’s roots, it feels harder to come by these days.

More importantly, Lambert has a proven track record of processing the ups and downs in her life by creating good music. Upon releasing “The Weight of These Wings,” her acclaimed Blake Shelton-breakup album in 2016, Lambert refused to promote the record on a press tour. “What was in the music was real, and I wanted people to get it from that. Take from it what they would. Then if I needed to talk, I would,” she later explained.

“I am who I am. I am honest about being flawed. That’s all I can be, you know? I cuss. I drink. I get divorced and get my heart broken. I break hearts,” Lambert added. She was right. “The Weight of These Wings” spoke for itself.

Like most country greats, Lambert is authentically still a little rough around the edges—and that’s exactly how we get songs like “Vice.” Just keep her away from your salads.

Emily Jashinsky is culture editor at The Federalist. You can follow her on Twitter @emilyjashinsky .
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