This Columbus Day, don’t just celebrate a day off – read something to make you feel bad about it. Here are the 53 best Columbus Day #HotTakes we found to do just that. Enjoy and share them with your friends to ruin their barbecues!
1. The Weapons Columbus Used to Conquer America Are Still Legal Under America’s Insane Gun Laws
2. The Original Clinger: How Columbus Introduced Guns And Bibles To America
3. I Hated Christopher Columbus’ Privilege So Much, I Moved To An Indian Reservation
4. Without Columbus, America Never Would’ve Invented The Small Pox Vaccine
5. How Donald Trump Is Fulfilling Columbus’ Legacy
6. Why the Voyages of Christopher Columbus Are a Model for The Future of Manned Space Exploration
7. Sure, Lots of Natives Died, But You Got America Out of the Deal So Shut Up
8. Was Christopher Columbus a Beta Male? Why Cortez Deserves the Real Credit for America
9. Christopher Columbus Converted the Heathen – It’s Time for Pope Francis to Make Him a Saint
10. Columbus: Making America Great the First Time
11. Giving Biodiversity a Chance: How Columbus Evacuated Oppressed Pathogens from Europe to America
12. What It’s Like To Be An Amerigo Vespucci Girl In A Columbus Day World
13. Columbus, The First Multiculturalist
14. How Christopher Columbus Made the Best Omelet in History: Cracking A Few Eggs
15. Columbus: Migration Done Right
16. At Least He Wasn’t White: Why Abolishing Columbus Day is Racist
17. Why Christopher Columbus Was Metal As F***
18. Howard Zinn Was Right: Dude’s Name Was Definitely Christopher Columbus
19. Dear Colonizers: His Name Was Cristoforo Colombo, Stop Anglicizing It
20. 11 of the Best Brunch Spots to Disrupt on Columbus Day
21. The Mafia Loved Columbus Day. Here’s Why.
22. Does the Historical Record Validate Claims That Columbus Self-Identified As An Explorer
23. Why A Self-Steering Ship Would’ve Landed At The Correct Destination
24. What Type Of Queen Was Queen Isabella And How Did That Influence Zher Decisions
25. The Real Reason to Abolish Columbus Day: His Anti Trans Agenda
26. Oceans Are Harder to Cross Than Gender Barriers: Why Christopher Columbus is a Trans(-Atlantic) Hero
27. If You Don’t Like Columbus, It’s Also National Cheese Curd Day So Just Shut Up and Take the Day Off
28. To Honor Columbus Day, This Trucking Company Stopped Using GPS. You Wouldn’t Believe What Happened Next.
29. We Know Christopher Columbus was Racist and Sexist, But Directing “Mrs. Doubtfire” Shows He’s Also Transphobic
30. In Praise Of Columbus: Those Natives Needed To Be Dominated
31. Columbus Landed in Jamaica. What Herb Was He Really Looking For?
32. Would the Pope Hug Columbus?
33. Why Portugal Needs To Pay Reparations To The Islanders Of Trinidad and Tobago
34. Time Traveling Assassination Dilemma: Hitler or Columbus?
35. Dilemmas: Without Columbus, There Would Be No Neil deGrasse Tyson – But Also No Confederate Flag
36. Columbus Was “Introverted,” “A Loner,” But Better Mental Health Care in Italy Could Have Kept Him Home
37. How Christopher Columbus Influences Gaming Culture (And Why That’s a Good Thing)
38. Amerigo Who? Let’s Rename America After Colombus
39. In New Email Dump, Hillary Clinton Tells Huma Abedin Columbus Day is “Fun and Festive”
40. When Christopher Columbus Came to America There Was No Government, So Stop Calling Him an Illegal Immigrant
41. What Christopher Columbus Can Teach America About the Need for Better Border Security
42. Christopher Columbus: Ground Zero Of True Progress
43. Christopher Columbus: The Man Who Created a Culture That Matters
44. Quiz: Who said it – Christopher Columbus Or Ann Coulter?
45. Columbus Didn’t “Discover” America – The British Empire Did.
46. How Christopher Columbus Would Have Handled the Washington Redskins Controversy
47. Everyone Condemns Columbus For Spreading Disease, But No One Wants to Stop Having Unprotected Sex With Strangers
48. REVEALED: Current U.S. President Attended University Named For Violent Colonialist Religious Extremist
49. Where’s the Birth Certificate? How Christopher Columbus, possible Italian, possible Spaniard, possible Greek, foreshadowed Barack Obama’s problems with the right.
50. Real Worlds Have Curves: How Christopher Columbus’s approach to the globe was really a blow against fat-shaming.
51. Undocumented: How America got started by a Latin guy crossing the water with all his friends.
52. Five Hipster Historians Who Were Into Leif Erickson Way Before Columbus
53. 8 Sleepy Pugs Who Just Realized It’s Columbus Day