As Christmas rolls closer, I can smell elk roasting on an open flame, the tenderloin of a recently harvested cow elk from Wyoming. Reindeer isn’t in season, and it just wouldn’t be cool to shoot one of Santa’s faithful draft reindeer, so venison and elk it will be.
But what to get for those pesky freedom-loving, God-fearing, Trump-loving, gun-toting constitutionalists we call conservatives? Sticking with the tradition of 12 days of Christmas, I have compiled a list of must haves for the strong-minded, those smitten with work ethic and a love for states’ rights.
The items don’t work well in twos, threes, or even dozens, so I suggest you get at least one or 100 of each of the following to make your conservative Christmas go off with a bang!
1. Buy an AR-15, Any AR-15
The times are tough for many manufacturers since we now have a pro-gun dude in the White House. This is your perfect opportunity to get the famous Black Rifle. Choose wisely. I recommend buying from one of these great manufacturers: POF USA and Daniel Defense. You can’t go wrong with these great American companies.
2. An Optic
Once you have a great carbine, you need to have a cool optic to get you on target. Check out the LCO from Leupold. Once again, it’s the only company you will find with optics made in America, by Americans, for Americans. The LCO has a fine 1 MOA red dot and easily mounts to your AR with the built-in mount. Just add batteries. Oh, and the 1-CR123 is included.
3. A Sling
You can’t go sliding down chimneys without a sling on that carbine. The tried and true Viking Tactics two-point sling will keep your weapon tightly slung but ready for action when delivering gifts to the rougher side of town—you know, to those guys who deserve coal. Viking Tactics also sings “Made in America.” Use code sling20 to get 20 percent off most slings through January 30, 2018.
4. Black Rifle Coffee
Little-known fact: as Santa blasts from house to house, continent to continent, the only thing that keeps him in the fight is a thermos full of Black Rifle Coffee. It’s made by veterans for you. When you order Black Rifle Coffee, it is guaranteed freshly roasted within a few days of your delivery.
If you want to know Santa’s favorite, that would be Berzerker Blend (he has a little Viking in his blood). Don’t just get the coffee—buy some swag too.
5. Some Good Ammo
You can’t truly celebrate Christmas without firing a few rounds of ammo, but there are so many choices. Don’t waste your money on the cheap stuff that occasionally goes bang. Get the real-deal ammo that gives you supreme accuracy and awesome downrange performance.
Here are two American companies that bring us Freedom Fodder. Hornady makes a line called BLACK that is specifically designed for the AR. You are gonna love it. Nosler squeezes every bit of accuracy from your carbine with their Ballistic Tip.
6. A Pistol
So, you say you aren’t into ARs? What in the world is wrong with you, but hey let’s talk pistols. Sig Sauer recently won the U.S. Army’s Modular Handgun Program. You can get their Sig P320 now. It isn’t exactly the same as the M17, but very close. There will be a few M17s released to the civilian market—at least, that is the word at the South Pole.
If you haven’t shot the P320, you are in for a treat. It’s lightweight, easy to shoot, and truly modular. It will definitely make you a jolly old fella. Made in America.
7. Upgrade that Glock
If you decide you have to stick to your Gluhwein and Glock because of old European traditions, at least make a little upgrade to bring that Christmas cheer. Add a set of VTAC Sights to that old Glock and head out caroling day or night. Fiber by day and tritium by night, the VTAC Sights have it all. They also come in the two most popular Christmas colors, red and green. Of course, also made in America.
8. A Kickin’ Headlamp
You have to see what’s going on out there in the blizzard, but how can you make this happen without an exceptionally bright headlamp? Check out Surefire’s new Maximus. Yep, it is spendy, retailing at $279. But this bad boy is rechargeable and gives you the choice of one Lumen all the way up to 1,000 Lumens. It makes Rudolph’s nose look like a sissy. Made in America.
9. Jeans Perfect for Shooting
Please don’t hate Santa for this next one. It’s 5.11 Defender Flex Jeans. Hey, Santa likes to look hip and loves the stretch fabric and standard AR-magazine pockets. Why can’t Santa be cool like the other kids? Straight fit for Santa and slim fit for the little hipster elves with skinny legs and beanies.
10. Viking Shirts
We all know many of our Christmas traditions came from the savage Vikings before they saw the light and became Christians. In honor of our warrior forefathers, get the Viking and the Valkyrie in your life some Viking swag. His and hers Viking shirts.
11. Gun Lube
Along the way, we may have to oil a reindeer trace chain or grease a sled runner. We all love jingle and jangle, but squeaks aren’t authorized. Santa prefers Rand CLP for all of his sleigh and firearm lubrication needs. He also uses Rand Bore and Bolt after a hard day of blasting with his AR to completely remove the carbon. Hey, Santa has to have fun during the off-season. Not only does Rand CLP work well, it is environmentally conscious, and contrary to what some say, conservatives love the planet.
12. A Mag Pump
Last but not least, Santa and his little helpers have to load lots of magazines to make big kids happy around the world, and those elves have really tiny hands. It wouldn’t be possible without the amazing Mag Pump, which allows you to load 90 rounds in 90 seconds. Current models are available for .223/5.56 AR magazines as well as 7.62/39. Pistol Mag Pumps will be available shortly after the New Year. For gosh sakes, save your thumbs. Made in America.