Why So Many Families Who Want To Adopt Can’t

Why So Many Families Who Want To Adopt Can’t

You have to wonder what went through the minds of thousands of families waiting to adopt a baby as they listened to Illyse Hogue brag about her decision to have an abortion in graduate school. It just wasn’t a convenient time to be a mother, she explained, as the Democratic National Convention cheered.

Nearly two million infertile couples in the United States are actively trying to adopt a child. Each of those hopeful couples would give their right arm for the privilege of parenting children—like Hogue’s—whose lives are being ended prematurely by a scalpel or a pill.

Since the dawn of time there have been pregnant women who could not parent the child in their wombs, and there have been infertile couples longing for a family. Never has it been harder to bring those two parties together—birth mother and adoptive parents. The basic problem is the growing scarcity of babies due to culture of abortion.

Think about the current adoptive couple’s plight. After years of failed infertility interventions, a couple decides to adopt. Now they face a whole new set of challenges, including as much as $45,000 to an adoption agency in a process that could take two or three years. For every eligible baby, an invisible queue of 36 couples waits for the chance to take that baby home.

Loving Potential Parents Wait in Agony

Once the birth mother chooses the adoptive couple, the real drama begins. Will the birth mother decide at the last minute to parent the child herself? Does she want these prospective parents to bond with the baby in the hospital? Is she insisting the couple’s other children meet their potential new sibling (even though she could still change her mind)? Does she have medical and personal expenses she needs the adoptive parents to pay?

To any of those questions, the adoptive couple will likely say yes. The alternative is to re-enter the queue and wait some more.

Prospective parents feel obliged to agree to a birth mother’s requests even though she may decide at the eleventh hour to keep the baby. They risk losing whatever expenses they contributed to the birth mother’s care then going home with no baby and facing the task of mending the broken hearts of their children—and themselves. The reason they take that gamble is simple to understand: There are too few babies to adopt.

The sad reality is that adoptive parents are beggars with no “rights” in the process. The power lies totally in the birth mother’s hands. Just like the woman considering abortion, each decision is determined by the woman’s right to choose.

Funding for Death, Not for Life

In this election season the Democratic National Committee is pushing the most radical abortion agenda ever, shamelessly touting abortion as a positive good. Although most insurances offer not a dime for fertility treatments, the DNC platform insists abortion should be free to the mother—the bill footed by non-consenting taxpayers.

It’s worth remembering that behind the mirage of no-consequences abortion stand thousands and thousands of families with aching, empty arms. Many couples and potential siblings go to sleep at night praying for one—just one—of those babies to take home and love.

Paula Rinehart, LCSW, is a therapist and writer living in Raleigh, North Carolina. She’s also a grandmother who advocates for the welfare of women and the lives of children, born and pre-born. Her blog is at paularinehart.com.
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