Trans Bathroom Bills Prove Feminism Has Failed My Daughter

Trans Bathroom Bills Prove Feminism Has Failed My Daughter

The very instincts my daughter’s feminist mentors have been telling her to pay attention to are now considered ‘bigoted’ as soon as she hits the bathroom.

Isn’t it funny how we’re all supposed to be disgusted when men try to force abortion laws on us because “our body, our right,” but when they force their way into our bathrooms it’s just fine? This is just another example of men telling women what we are and aren’t willing to accept.

Let’s get this straight: we’re not having this conversation about women in the men’s bathrooms, because that’s not how it’s ever going to go down. Also, while most men aren’t sexual predators, most sexual predators are men, so it’s natural this conversation would center around male actions.

As it stands, not only are men trying to tell us women what a real woman is by suggesting it’s all in your head and not your totality of experience, now they’re trying to tell us to dull all our natural instincts for self-preservation.


We’ve been hearing over and over about the “rape culture” of American campuses and American attitudes in general. Activists run seminars and awareness campaigns teaching women how to stay alert, protect themselves, identify danger. They chastise police, schools, and businesses for enabling a culture that shames a woman for coming forward with rape allegations.

Then they turn around and ask my little girl to ignore all the things they just told her to pay attention to. If a strange man (not a man dressing and living as a woman, but an actual male DUDE man, which these bathroom bills allow for) walks into a place where she is accustomed to some measure of privacy, a place where she physically removes her clothing and is exposed in some manner (stall or no stall), she is supposed to ignore that voice screaming in her head if he feels dangerous. Not only that, she’s not even allowed to tell anyone she’s nervous.

The police can’t help her, her teachers can’t help her, and if I’m not there 24/7 (and I haven’t been since she was living inside my womb) I can’t help her either. So the very instincts her feminist mentors have been telling her to pay attention to are now considered “bigoted” as soon as she hits the bathroom?

Thanks, But No Thanks, Feminist Men

To make matters worse, it is men telling her that she shouldn’t be “hysterical” about it. I’m looking at you, Bruce Springsteen and Pearl Jam. Because concerned women are always just hysterical, aren’t they? Like rape victims—hysterical broads with no self-control.

I don’t want my baby at increased risk to predators so a few people can feel like they did something good.

We women don’t need men telling us how to live or when and where our safety should be a priority. I thought my mother’s generation spilled a lot of sweat and tears for that very freedom. Now suddenly all that is discounted?

No. It is irresponsible to teach my daughter to dull her natural instincts of self-preservation to accommodate a poorly planned idea that is only relevant for a tiny sliver of the population. This is a man’s world, but the gift we women have been given to navigate it is what we call “intuition.” If men can’t tell us what to do with the babies in our bodies, they sure as hell shouldn’t be able to tell me what to do with the baby outside of my body. Personally, I don’t want my baby at increased risk to predators so a few people can feel like they did something good.

I guess that’s the price we pay for living in the patriarchy. Men will only let us make so many decisions for ourselves before they start telling us what’s good for us again.

Kira Davis is a freelance writer, blogger and mother of two. She is the president of Phantom Sway, a production company based in Los Angeles. Kira has interviewed President Obama and appeared on various media outlets including Fox News, the Dana Loesch Show, the Glenn Beck Show and the Dr.Phil Show. Kira is a dog person but she owns a cat anyway.
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