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Panic! The Seven Most Ridiculous Warnings About Pending Government #ShutStorm


The federal government might have a limited, temporary shut down and our nation’s reporters and politicians are on it! In a shutdown such as this, Social Security, Medicare, food stamps, and unemployment benefit checks still go out. Mail still gets delivered. Essential operations are kept running. Even Obamacare exchanges will still open.

But some government services will be disrupted. Here are some of the things we’re supposed to lose sleep over.

1) One of the country’s Panda Cams might be switched off temporarily.

Not the one in San Diego. Or the one in Memphis. Or the one in Atlanta. Or any of the other ones throughout the world. Just the one at National Zoo. Will we survive?

2) Federal Employees might not be able to get on their Crackberries.

Oh the humanity. If our world has any problem at all, it’s D.C. folks not spending enough time on their phones at taxpayer expense.

3) The Gerald R. Ford Museum, an ArtPrize 2013 exhibition center, might close for a bit

The horrible details are here.

4) The shutdown is all part of the evil Republicans’ war on women.

One would think that reducing women to nothing more than wombs kept empty at taxpayer expense would be insulting, but apparently it’s good politics. Allow Barbara Boxer to explain her “reasoning” here.

5) Neither side compromising on a continuing resolution means one side is engaged in things as bad as the Civil War.

Sen. Tom Harkin, D-Iowa, said on the Senate floor:

[W]e are at one of the most dangerous points in our history right now. Every bit as dangerous as the break-up of the Union before the Civil War.

Of course, compared to Al Gore, who said Republicans were engaged in “political terrorism,” Harkin sounds downright diplomatic.

6) Austinites should hold off from buying a house, maybe for a few days.

It looks like a reporter had trouble finding significant effects of the government shutdown.

7) Some fountains in Washington, D.C., will temporarily go dry.

Try not to call 9-1-1 if you encounter a fountain without water in the next few days.

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Seems like it might be time to pull out this 2011 video about how a government shutdown might affect citizens.

Follow Mollie Hemingway on Twitter.