Man Bun Ken Doll Proves The Apocalypse Is Nigh

Man Bun Ken Doll Proves The Apocalypse Is Nigh

Every day that passes, we are one day closer to the end of the world, and the new man bun Ken doll is here to rub our noses in that fact.

Mattel unveiled a new line of Ken dolls on “Good Morning America” Tuesday, including one sporting a man bun.

Look at how smug man bun Ken’s face is.

man bun

“You thought you would live to see your grandchildren?” the expression on Man Bun Ken’s face reads. “You fool! The end is nigh.”

For contrast, here’s what men in 1865 were up to.

Good set of teeth, 18 acres, and first-rate buckwheat? Sign me up. I’m willing to bet this young baller did not have time to mess around with a man bun.

Whenever I see a dude sporting a bun on top of his head, I can feel my ovaries shriveling inside of me. Nothing screams “I won’t be able to care for your or our children because I am a pansy” louder than a pile of hair affixed to a man’s head that is secured by an elastic. It’s no wonder millennials aren’t having kids.

In 2017, we may have eradicated polio, but the human race is dying out due in no small part to men who wear buns.

Bre Payton was a staff writer at The Federalist.
Photo screengrab/ABC
Photo screengrab/ABC
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