Skip to content
Breaking News Alert This Week In Lawfare Land: 'Deadly Force'

Can Ralph Lauren Stop Designing Team USA’s Outfits Already?

ralph lauren

Ralph Lauren has been designing hideous uniforms for the U.S. Olympic team for years now. It’s time we told him to stop.


Ralph Lauren is an Olympic fashion menace who needs to be stopped, immediately.

These are the uniforms he’s forcing the 2016 U.S. Olympic Team to wear when they go to Rio in a few months.

Seriously, it looks like they got lost in Nantucket and asked a psychotic Vineyard Vines employee for directions who would only offer them assistance if they agreed to dress like Bradley Cooper from “Wet Hot American Summer.”

And it’s not like this is the first time Lauren has screwed our athletes over, either. For some reason, the U.S. Olympic Committee continues to overlook his colossal clothing screwups of Olympics past. 

Allow me to jog your memory of what our athletes have worn to ceremonies of the recent past.

Sochi, 2014: Pretend You Love The Sweater Grandma Knitted You

“The weaving loom malfunctioned and we got these sweaters. Oh well, maybe everyone will think we did it on purpose if we make hats to match.”

London, 2012: The Militant Flight Attendant

New York Daily News

“Put your seat up and fold up your tray table before I punch your lights out!”

Those berets mean business.

Vancouver, 2010: What The Harvard Rowing Team Wears In Disguise As A ‘Poor Person’

Ralph Lauren

“Dressing like a cast member from ‘Newsies’ is what people look like who can only afford to eat the pool food at the club, right?”

So Ralph Lauren has been dressing Team USA like a bunch of preppy, son-of-a-rich-dad villains from a 1980s movie for years now. For some reason, we keep letting him do it.

On the plus side, it doesn’t look like the boat-shoe industry will be suffering any time soon.