I didn’t want to talk about the pain of losing my baby, but after seeing how corporate media recently portrayed “19 Kids and Counting” star Jessa Duggar Seewald’s miscarriage as an abortion, I feel I must.
Jessa shared that over Christmas, she and her husband, Ben, had suffered a miscarriage. Her body hadn’t realized the baby’s heart had stopped, so a couple of weeks after, Jessa had a common procedure that is also used for elective abortion and is called dilation and curettage (D&C). Her baby had already died by no choice of her own.
I lost my baby to miscarriage four months ago and, like Jessa, needed a D&C to safeguard my health. Corporate and social media, as well as people I’ve talked with, insist I had an abortion, which makes me feel livid and broken-hearted.
I’ve had enough of misinformation on abortion and miscarriages since the overturn of Roe v. Wade. The purposeful lies about the realities of abortion by the press and pro-abortion advocates are truly astounding.
A Simple Definition
I have been utterly appalled at this narrative that Jessa had an abortion. The medical definition of abortion is the expulsion of pregnancy tissue, and this can happen spontaneously or deliberately. The colloquial definition, however, is different. The first result on Google states that abortion is “The deliberate termination of a human pregnancy,” which is exactly what almost everyone means when they declare they’ve had an abortion.
Yet now the media are twisting it to cover a miscarriage, which is incredibly insulting to those of us who have actually had a miscarriage, not an abortion where we chose to end the life of our baby.
Abortion is such an ugly and disgusting word and incites trauma for so many. Abortion is trauma to the body, to the psyche, and to everyone it touches. Abortion is synonymous with pain.
I adamantly oppose abortion and the violence that is perpetrated against women and their children. I also adamantly oppose women dying without life-saving medical care.
Our Miscarriage
Last fall, my husband and I found out we were expecting after more than nine months of trying. Our child was loved, prayed for, and longed for. The moment we saw our baby on the screen at six-and-a-half weeks was one of the happiest of our lives. We saw our sweet baby’s heartbeat, calculated our due date, and planned how we’d tell our families: Thanksgiving celebrations were coming up and we couldn’t wait to share with them.
We went back to my OB-GYN in early December for our 10-week appointment and instead of seeing more photos, we were met with confirmation of any parent’s worst fears: Our baby was no longer with us. My husband, doctor, and I frantically searched the screen for any semblance of life from our child. There was none. I went to the hospital for an additional ultrasound to confirm our nightmare, praying and sobbing through it all. The doctor confirmed our baby wasn’t coming home in July.
Eight days later, just under three weeks from the last day our child was alive, I had a D&C procedure, as my body still hadn’t processed the heartbreak we had been hit with. The procedure is vital to the health of many women following a miscarriage.
I would not wish this procedure on anyone. I bled for 15 days post-op, and I could barely leave my bed due to grief and physical pain. My medical bills totaled more than $18,000. If my D&C had been viewed as an abortion, my local abortion facility would have charged me only $800.
I was supported by family and friends who showed an immense outpouring of love and support through the loss of our child, Jordan Blake. We were prayed over, had meals delivered and help with our laundry, and were allowed the space and grace to mourn our child.
Ugly Comparisons
But others weren’t so gracious. When sharing the loss of Jordan, I was met with comparisons to elective abortions in-person and online. The insinuation that our child was no more than mere medical waste left resentment and wounds. D&Cs of a dead child are in no way the same as the violent realities of abortion that purposefully end the life of a child on the altar of convenience and “choice.”
Even though we had love and support, that is not the reality for everyone. If anyone reading this has experienced the loss of a child and needed a D&C, yet it was compared to an abortion, I am so incredibly sorry. Your child is loved. I celebrate with you the life of your child and join you in the grief of your loss.
Our miscarriages were not abortions, and the love of our children is not lost. Our children are forever part of our lives and families. I didn’t have an abortion. Jessa didn’t have an abortion. We had miscarriages — and to call them anything other than that is the weaponization of the semantics of abortion for political purposes. It is frankly disgusting.
