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Everything You Need To Know About 43 Topics Vox Knows Everything About

Vox knows everything there is to know about everything that has ever happened.


As we’ve covered extensively here at The Federalist, Vox is super smart, never gets anything wrong, and knows everything about everything. It is, after all, run by the smartest thinkers asking the toughest questions. Questions like “How long is this imaginary bridge in Israel?” or “How many pages are in Kim Kardashian’s new book?” or “How come Taylor Swift’s new song is so perfect you guys OMG?”

Those are the questions pondered by the world’s smartest minds.

But even more impressive than Vox’s ability to know everything there is to know is Vox’s humility in the face of its obvious omnipotence. Did you know that everything you need to know about a topic can be condensed into a few hundred words? You didn’t? Well, that’s why you don’t work at Vox. If you’re lucky, maybe they’ll publish a piece on everything you need to know about learning everything there is to know about everything that’s ever happened.

Here are 43 topics that Vox wants you to think it knows everything about.

1. The Internet

Seriously, that’s a real post. They literally know everything there is to know about the Internet. Al Gore, call your office.

Everything Internet






2. Easter eggs

Everything Easter Eggs







3. Patents
Everything Patents


4. Human exploration of Mars

Do not let the fact that no human has ever explored Mars get in the way of Vox telling you it knows everything there is to know about humans exploring Mars. Note that this explainer does not include information on how a human might get to Mars in order to explore it.

Everything Mars






5. The NSA and Edward Snowden

Not included: an answer to the question “Where, exactly, is Edward Snowden?”

Everything NSA Snowden







6. Obamacare

Pay special attention to the last time this fauxsplainer was updated. If anything happened after May 15 — let’s say, for example, a major court case in which a bunch of Obamacare subsidies were deemed illegal — you don’t need to know about it.

Everything Obamacare








7. The Ukraine crisis

Everything Ukraine


8. Apple

Again: ignore everything that’s happened since June. You don’t need to know about it.

Everything Apple







9. Global warming

Missing from this card stack is a how-to guide on how to build an accurate climate prediction model, which is unfortunate, because the climate alarmist movement could really, really use some help on that front.

Everything Global Warming







10. Common Core

Everything Common Core







11. How to watch “Game of Thrones”

Everything you need to know about people who regularly read Vox is summed up in this single post: they need an explainer on how to watch TV.


12. The SAT

For obvious reasons, I asked two of the writers for this piece whether they aced the SAT. Neither responded.

Everything SAT







13. Benghazi

Everything Benghazi







14. Fracking

Contrary to what the title of this led me to believe, its author has not actually spent an entire career working in the energy extraction business. And yet he knows everything there is to know about it! Amazing.

Everything Fracking







15. Obama’s immigration policies

Everything Obama EA Immigration







16. The Heartbleed bug

Everything Heartbleed







17. Flight MH17

Everything Flight MH17







18. Super PACs

Everything Super PAC


19. Income inequality

Everything Income Inequality







20. Net neutrality

Everything Net Neutrality







21. Bitcoin

Everything Bitcoin







22. Bank capital

Everything Bank Capital







23. Gay marriage

Everything Gay Marriage







24. E-cigarettes

Everything E-Cigarettes


25. Marijuana legalization

Everything Marijuana Legalization







26. Student debt

Everything Student Debt


27. Prisons

“Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

Everything Prisons







28. Charter schools

Everything Charter Schools







29. Gerrymandering

Everything Gerrymandering








30. Israel-Palestine

Did you know there’s a massive bridge from Gaza to the West Bank? You didn’t? That’s because there isn’t one. But that didn’t stop Vox from telling us everything we needed to know about it.

Everything Israel-Palestine Byline


31. BRIDGEGHAZI!!!!!!!!1111

Speaking of an obsession with bridges…

Everything Chris Christie







32. The minimum wage

Everything Minimum Wage







33. Jobs Day

Everything Jobs Day







34. GDP

Everything GDP


35. Occupational licensing

Everything Occupational Licensing







36. The VA scandal

This is an especially odd thing for them to claim they know everything about, since Vox’s founders previously spent a whole lot of time and energy telling us that the VA was providing really awesome health care for veterans.

Everything VA Scandal







37. The so-called streetcar craze

Everything Streetcar Craze







38. The War on Drugs

Everything War On Drugs








39. Genetically modified foods.

Everything GMO








40. College costs

Everything College Costs


41. Genetic testing

Everything Genetic Testing










42. Vaccines

Everything Vaccines









43. Pope Francis

Yep. Pope Francis. Vox knows everything there is to know about Pope Francis. Vox doesn’t know how baptism works, but it knows everything you need to know about the Holy See.

Everything Pope Francis