After much anticipation over a new show on Netflix featuring outrageous and hilarious comedian Jimmy Carr, “The Fix” finally premiered on Netflix last month. Sadly, the boundary-demolishing jokes that Carr became famous for were notably absent.
“The Fix” is a panel show featuring comedians gathered together to “fix” major problems facing the world. Carr is joined by four panelists who discuss topics such as immigration, guns, gentrification, poverty, the sexes’ wage gap, and global warming. You know, comedy stuff.
As you may have already guessed, the show is depressingly not funny and is just a showcase for woke comedians like Nikki Glaser, D.L. Hughley, and Sarah Schaefer to share their very left-wing political views while getting screen time on Netflix. To make absolutely sure the viewers know just how important, serious, and not funny the various topics are, midway through each episode a statistician name Mona reads some gasp-inducing and truly sad facts.
The show is an utterly pointless waste of a comedian as funny as Jimmy Carr, whom I have always held in high regard as the comedian who couldn’t give a d-mn about political correctness or solving world problems. He tells jokes to get laughs, and boy does he succeed. So why is Carr hosting this show?
It is actually quite odd that Netflix would have tapped such a controversial comedian to helm a show they clearly intended to be a safe-space-friendly, conversation-starting, lefty love fest. I mean, this is a guy who regularly jokes about pedophilia, rape, AIDS, and Islamic terrorists. Didn’t Kevin Hart just lose his Oscar-hosting gig and get condemned by the intersectional thought police for a few tweets and jokes about homosexuality from ten years ago?
Even after Hart’s most recent apology on “Ellen,” the people most outraged by his tweets show no signs of letting go of their grudge. It would be impossible to imagine Netflix offering Hart a show about how to fix the world.
Carr’s notoriety isn’t exactly a secret, either. The internet is awash with heavily shared compilation videos of the comic on stage telling his most “offensive” jokes. Listening to his fearless, often deranged sense of humor get roaring laughter in these videos makes his sanitized good guy image on “The Fix” all the more disappointing.
It is worth noting that several of the following jokes were taken from Carr’s special, “Funny Business,” which was produced by Netflix and is currently available for streaming. It seems his brand of politically incorrect material doesn’t have the same outrage-inducing effect as Louis C.K.’s and Hart’s. Yet.
Here are the top 20 Jimmy Carr jokes that should have caused the thought police to stop him from getting a show on Netflix. Warning: The following contains deeply offensive content. Seriously. Yes, they are jokes, but certainly not appropriate for all eyes and environments.
On Pedophilia
“I just don’t understand it: Why would you become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance you might get 72 virgins when you die? Become a Catholic priest and have them now!”
“Childhood is now effectively over by 11, which is when the pubs close and Uncle Terry comes home.”
“A lot of people like to smoke cigarettes after sex, but you can’t buy cigarettes until you’re 16 so I have to buy them for both of us.”
“My girlfriend likes to have the lights on during sex. She likes to be able to read, which I think is to be encouraged in a girl of her age. I’m kidding. She’s actually scared of the dark.”
“Having sex with someone at work is alright as long as you don’t work in a primary school.”
“My Catholic priest told me when I was twelve years of age, ‘God is watching you masturbate,’ and I asked, ‘Is he a pedophile too, father?’”
On Rape
“My girlfriend can be really loud during sex. I don’t know why—she knows no one’s coming to help.”
“And it’s true, if you’re a rapist, you’ve got pretty much your pick of women.”
“I said to my girlfriend, do you want to role play with a rape fantasy? She said ‘No!’ and I said, ‘That’s the spirit.’”
“‘Rape’ is such a horrible word, though, it’s such a harsh brutal word. That’s why I prefer to call it a ‘Struggle Snuggle.’”
On Homosexuality
“People that adhere to political correctness are, in my opinion, retarded f-ggots. I can see some of you sitting in judgement, thinking, ‘Retarded f-ggots. That is an offensive phrase.’ But it’s not that offensive a phrase. Not when you compare it to my impersonation of… a retarded f-ggot. ‘I want a c-ck in me. I’m a really good bummer.’ That’s offensive. Compared to that, that phrase doesn’t seem as bad now, does it?”
“So gaydar is the voice in your head that, when you meet a gay guy, goes, ‘Oh, a gay guy.’ If you say out loud, ‘Bummer on the loose! Bummer on the loose!’ That is homophobia. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yeah, I just said that. Deal with it.”
“But, yeah, sometimes, it’s very difficult to know whether a woman is a lesbian or just a regular girl in a very bad mood. And if you’re a lesbian, and you didn’t find that funny, well, you’ve proved my point for me.”
“Of course, the big question, at the moment, globally, is ‘Should gay men be allowed to get married?’ And I’m a liberal. I say yes, as long as they find the right woman. I could have been gay. I failed the oral. Don’t neglect the balls. There’s a lesson.”
“Because of political correctness, you’re not meant to say ‘air hostess’ any more, are you? You’re meant to say, if it’s a woman, ‘sky waitress’, and if it’s a man, ‘homosexual.’ Doesn’t really change anything.
On Abortion, Euthanasia, Abuse, Terrorism, and AIDS
“My girlfriend recently had a miscarriage…and it was doubly bad because I had to pay for it.”
“A great way to warm up pensioners in winter is cremation.”
“I’ve created a foundation for battered women…It’s really thick to hide the bruising.”
“A lot of planning is going on for the 2012 Olympics. Sadly, most of it is being done by Al-Qaeda.”
“If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitos from dying needlessly of AIDS.”
When Netflix and everyone searching for ways to be morally outraged realizes their mistake, I’ll be happy to see the end of “The Fix” and the return of the real Jimmy Carr.
