This weekend The Verge published the article “Why did my boyfriend like Emily Ratajkowski’s butt on Instagram?” As one would expect from the title, the article is an insecure, vacuous conversation between Ashley Carman and her friends “dismayed” that Ashley’s boyfriend, Chris, liked a photo that model Emily Ratajkowski posted on Instagram.
It starts with Ashley explaining that her friend, Colin, spotted the like and brought it to her attention. The controversial photo, here, is of the dime piece model donning an itsy bitsy teenie weenie red bikini in a pose that shows off her derrière, on a what appears to be a yacht sailing into the ocean blue.
Some words of advice to anyone else sharing Ashley’s struggle.
- Get new friends. Colin seems terrible! Who in his right mind would point this out to a friend in a happy relationship? Also, what kind of person even notices something this small? Colin needs to get his own life. There is nothing worse than when people you trust start raising issues that aren’t there. Don’t succumb to it!
- Spend some time appreciating yourself. If you love yourself, you’re not going to be so threatened by a professional model. Do yourself a favor: Google some “celebs without makeup” listicles and listen to some Colbie Caillat—specifically “Try.”
- Spend some time with your man. Let him remind you why you’re with him in the first place. Hopefully it’s because he makes you feel good. If it’s not, get a new one.
- Unless your man is actually Leonardo DiCapiro, who has a chance with Ratajkowski because he’s spending actual time with her and only dates models who look like they reached the legal drinking age yesterday, calm down. What is the matter with your boyfriend appreciating sexiness? Nothing! Just like nothing is the matter with us drooling over Jason Momoa when he’s photographed grocery shoppingand featured on terrible/amazing Daily Mail celebrity-spotting posts.
- Whether millennials want to admit it or not, if we’re the type of people who follow celebrities, we are all scrolling through Instagram and liking things rapidly. The like button doesn’t mean, “I’m liking this because I’m DYING to cheat on my significant other.” I’m sure he’s also liking memes of Kenny Powers, outrageous IFL Science videos, and every photo posted he sees of his favorite basketball team. There is no reason to feel “dismayed” over those likes, and it’s the same button!
If you’re the kind of woman who has a 2,000-word analytical conversation on why your boyfriend is liking a picture of a hot model in a bikini, stop and look at yourself.
Also: the best part of the article is boyfriend Chris’ thoughtless response: “I didn’t really think about it; I just liked it.” Surely now since this post is live online, Ashley’s gotten another text, and it probably reads something like: “Hey – I don’t think this is working out.”