This Sunday, Donald Trump’s campaign and related super PACs brought the fire in TV ads. We had Trump’s two-minute video manifesto bursting through the airwaves during the Giants-Eagles game. Another depicts Hillary Clinton destroying all manner of computer, cell phone, and server-looking things, cackling all the while.
I don’t know what game Redskins fans were watching, because they were on a bye, but a Trump-aligned SuperPAC also decided to trade on fan loyalty, reminding them that if Hillary gets in the Washington Redskins may be forced to trade out their name (possibly for the Bullets—that logo’s been on the shelf for a while). I appreciate the defense of the Washington R-words—not a PC guy here—but this ad couldn’t be bothered to even cast some normal football guys.
Let’s break down the tape.
Left to right: football guys don’t have books, and here we’ve got two stacks of books, with a Statue of Liberty in the middle. The Statue of Liberty is a Giants and Jets icon, so no way a true-red Redskins fan is letting that false idol through his door.
Speaking of statues, these losers have ironic old-school robot toys—pretty sure that’s for babies, not football guys. Surfboard? Football guys don’t have time to surf. They’re checking out training camps, getting ready for the draft—they’re too busy to catch waves.
Not a single one of these “football guys” is wearing any team gear. No Redskins shirts to be found. Between the three of them, they must have spent a combined total of 10 hours on their hair and beards. And look at that middle guy’s eyebrows. They’re weird. Football guys look like this:
There’s a decorative heavy bag, showing signs of damage, since ‘Skins fans have had plenty over the past few seasons to get angry about.
What’s the amp doing so far from the guitar? It’s almost like they’re both for show. There are more toys on the shelf in the background. Why’s the wall teal? That’s almost a Dolphins teal. This is a color rush year. Real football guys would have that wall red and yellow.
Maybe a big fat head of the Redskins logo to replace those toys and whatever dumb pictures are in those tiny frames. There’s a reel-to-reel film camera in the back. I bet it’s ironically placed and has never been used to watch any game tape. Below the old-school bike that’s seen zero road work, there’s the final assault on football: a Foosball table. That’s soccer, and un-American.
Again with the books, these guys; too much reading. A plant should not be able to survive in a real football guy’s apartment, and why aren’t those windows stained up by cigar smoke? Ditka— ever heard of him?—would be ashamed. There’s at least three different types of beer here, and none of them are in a can and called Bud Light, official beer sponsor of the NFL. There’s a pizza on the table that’s not Papa John’s, and what’s up with the popcorn and Chinese food?
Hey, consultant who made this commercial, I love the attitude behind it. Hillary’s a total PC police, and nothing gets football guys more angry than trying to take away their team’s name. But a football guy knows one when he sees one—and these guys most certainly are not football guys.
