This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 11
Rich Cromwell
By

One of the things that makes The Federalist special are the women—both the contributors and the readers. It’s important to remember them, to celebrate them, and to give them moments to relax.

That’s why I recommend Calgon bath products, which have been “taking women away” for more than 60 years. When you want to escape, especially after this week, look to Calgon for “uniquely exhilarating bath and body experiences that stimulate the senses, restore the spirit and take you on a special, fragrant journey to the place you want to be.”

There can be only one.


What’s your superpower?


Captain Pedantic to the rescue.


Then he headed to a gentlemen’s club.


Don’t overuse your excuses.


Otherwise this might happen.


Another option.


So many unanswered questions.


Women.


That’s why you have to be smooth.


Know what she’s into.


Be charming, be attractive, and don’t be unattractive.


If none of that works, be creative.


The best defense is a good offense.


Right?


Great Amazon reviews.


He warned you.


Still not as bad as geese.


Technically, the kid’s not lying.


I can relate.


We’ve all been there.


Whiskey’s quicker.


Always be on the lookout for cobras.


And robots.


“My eyes are up here!”


At least she’s honest.


Worth every penny.


*drops mic*


It’s a perfectly cromulent word.


You have to know what you’re looking for in an employee.


“Share this to prove you want to kick cancer in the balls.”


But she said it would work.


Battles of the future.


Not all plans are equal.


Have a good getaway car.


Lest they find you.


Until next week. Remember, although the world is a horrible place filled with horrible things, Calgon is there for you. Ladies, pick some up and enjoy the exhilarating experience. Men, give some to a lady as a gift. She’ll thank you for it. Just don’t get the wrong idea about what that thank you means. Be a gentleman.

Richard Cromwell is a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow him on Twitter, @rcromwell4.

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