1. Both Will Indict Anyone for Anything
Dewing: “I’ll indict anyone for anything.”
Obama: “I think it’s fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly”
2. Both Men are Minorities
Obama is from Kenya. Dewing believes Mad Men is a documentary. Both things can get you special treatment from the government.
3. Both Men Have ‘Allegable Issues’
Obama is alleged to be President. Neal Dewing is allegedly Republican. (Thanks to Sharpton for the new word.)
4. Both Are College Graduates
Which proves they both hate, and are smarter than, rubes like Scott Walker.
5. Both Are Twitter Professors
Obama’s Twitter teaches us how to be more tolerant. Dewing’s Twitter gives us an opportunity to practice it.
6. Both Were State-Level Competitive Eaters
7. Both Are Peculiarists
Dewing inexplicably overdresses for everyday occasions and podcasts. And have you ever seen Obama throw a baseball? Pretty peculiar.
8. Both Simply Adore The Party’s Base
“Party base” is code for alcohol.
9. Both Are Divisive and Intensely Disliked by an Opposing Faction
I mean. Come on. Self-explanatory.